As Normal As I'll Be
by Eskimo Children
Summary: Emil is a deaf sixteen year old boy just trying to vent out the frustration of his stupid life.
1. Chapter 1

It's not like I asked to be deaf.

Believe it or not, but it kind of sucks. People always pull pranks on me, like charging into my back while I walk down the school hallways and talk foully about me in front of my face (the only reason I know that is because I can read lips, but even then the person has to be speaking slowly for me to comprehend them). I don't have any friends because no one I know besides my brother can use sign language. I can't relate to anyone my age since most sixteen year old's don't read braille or wear barely functioning hearing aids (yeah I have those, I just take them out whenever my brother wants to scold me, which is every minute of my god forsaken life).

Anyways, I guess it's time to explain myself. My name is Emil, but sometimes people call me Retard. I prefer the first one personally. I live in Iceland but occasionally travel to Sweden to visit family. When I was born I was diagnosed with extremely sensitive hearing and slight hearing loss, and when I was three months old I lost it completely due to an unknown reason. Lukas, my older brother, basically raised me and still lives with me because he 'doesn't trust today's nursing aids' or something like that. I've told him I would be okay living on my own but he's worried that I'll fall down the stairs and land on a standing knife? I don't know.

I probably sound delusional saying this, but I carry around a puffin with me. Not an actual puffin. A plushy. And he talks to me. His name is Mister Puffin. I think I got him as a present from my uncle Tino a few weeks after my seventh birthday because he missed his flight the week before and he couldn't book another one until after my party. It wasn't really a party from what I remember; only my brother, his 'friend' and two deaf childhood friends were there. One of said friends shot himself last summer and the other wanted to see if he could hear music if he tried LSD, but all the drug did was snap his neck in the deep end of an empty swimming pool.

Now about Mister Puffin; He got his name from-how creative-the label on his collector's tag. Ever since I got him, he's kept every secret I've told him, from throwing up in Lukas' bathwater and blaming it on his 'friend' to the girls I fancied (and wouldn't have any chance with. Apparently 1. boys who can't hear aren't sexy and 2. these girls reside in posters on my bedroom walls ). He can be rude and stubborn, but I've learned to put up with him within the past nine years.

Why am I giving all of this information out? I'm not really sure either. I just know that Lukas is dragging me on a plane going to England to attend a party for a business partner tonight. When it comes to events, I usually either don't go or I follow Lukas around the whole time as I'm greeted by unfamiliar faces, in which he has to explain to the guests that I'm deaf and can't communicate with them. He promised me a surprise this time if I can control my raging hands from being in his face the whole night. Knowing him it'll probably be a puppy or pizza or anything to make up for the fact that I have to be put into special education classes in school.

Whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

I should probably explain who Lukas' 'friend' is. Well, since I can remember, my brother has had this guy named Matty attached to him. He was the one who was at my birthday party with my dead friends. At first I thought he was a lazy ass man who doesn't like paying rent so he hogs our living room couch surrounded in dirty clothes and expired chip bags. It wasn't until a couple of years ago on Valentine's Day when I felt the vibrations of the two of them making intense love through my bedroom walls and Lukas limping to the kitchen the next morning for me to question him about it. Turns out a thirty two year old man has been dating my twenty five year old brother for eleven years and thought I would never find out.

Matty has dirty blonde hair that he spikes up with at least two bottles of hair gel and a muscular build. He wears too small clothing to show off his muscles and thinks if he's loud enough I'll be able to hear him (I thought I was the retard). He's another reason why I don't wear my hearing aids too often. Not only that, but Lukas lets him ridicule me. Sometimes when my brother's too tired to use sign language he'll make me put my hearing aids in so we can talk, and since I can't hear well my speech is clumsy and messed up. For example, if I say "Can you pass me the salt?", Matty will reply with, "Pats you da what? Da sawt?" and he'll just get a slap on the wrist. If I sign that he can suck my dick, I get a slap in the face.

I really don't see what my brother sees in him. For the most part, Lukas is down to earth and tries to be in my life as much as he can. He works as a paramedic in the mornings so he can come home in time to make the loser food. Matty doesn't have a job. From the time I leave for school to dinner time he's lying down on the couch in the position he's always in-one arm and leg slumped to the floor and the other limbs barely hanging on to the leather cushions. Whenever I tell him to get up because there's something I want to watch, he says, "Why? It's not like you can hear anyways!" and throws stale chips at me until I leave.

That douche bag even makes fun of me for having Mister Puffin. When I was younger and Matty would watch me while Lukas was out, he used to take him and hang him over the third floor balcony outside of our attic as punishment for bothering him. I can remember one time when I tickled is feet and pointed to a cabinet because I wanted macaroni and cheese for lunch and he grabbed my ear and dragged me up the stairs to hang Mister Puffin outside. Unfortunately, the asshole 'accidentally' dropped him and he landed in a pile of leaves in our neighbor's yard.

I hope he and my brother never get married.

* * *

We finally arrived at our hotel room earlier this afternoon. Fortunately Matty is in Denmark for a family emergency at the moment so he won't be with us. Lukas seemed upset at first but now I feel he's relieved not to have a dumb ass getting wasted in front of his boss' friends.

I'm not allowed to bring Mister Puffin with me to the party. Lukas says he wants me to 'act normal' at this event for whatever reason. I'm debating on whether or not to sneak him in my suit pocket to squeeze if I become anxious.

I still don't know what the surprise could be.

* * *

We're at the party. On our way, Lukas called for a taxi but it didn't show up until we had fifteen minutes to spare. We finally arrived late (fashionably) to Mister Kirkland's home. I'm glad my brother was able to convince me to wear my funeral suit because his boss' house was _beautiful_. Upon exiting the cab and thanking the driver, we were greeted by large metal gates leading to a myriad of water fountains and hedge statues. They stretch for what feels like half of a football field, or until a bald man with a greyish handlebar mustache welcomes us into the mansion.

Once inside, we enter a crowded ballroom larger than the entire downstairs of our house. The air smells of exquisite food I've only dreamed about and everyone seems to be having a good time. As I look around, Lukas holds his hand out to give me my hearing aids that he kept in his breast pocket. I shake my head no, but he signs that I can't find the surprise without them. After I grab them and attach the damned things to my ears, he pulls me to a corner of the room I hadn't noticed before.

Waiting for us are a tall blondish man and what appears to be a teenager shorter than I am with shoulder length black hair and sunglasses. As we get closer, I can overhear them arguing.

"Why do I have to wear this suit? It's too itchy."

"Because you're supposed to be a gentleman. Act like it for once, will you?"

"Fine..."

"Don't you embarrass me tonig-oh hello Lukas!" The bickering subsides when the man notices us. The boy he fought with is still directed towards him as he rushes over to meet us.

"Hello Arthur." They shook hands. "I'm not sure if you've met my brother Emil, have you?"

Mister Kirkland turns to face me and takes my hand. "Hello Emil." I greet him back with the fake smile I've mastered from the time I started school. His hands feel calloused and sweaty.

He releases my palm from his grip and twirls behind him. "Leon, come here. There's someone I'd like you to meet."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! Author here has realized that she doesn't want to write in present tense, so I'm going to be writing in past tense from now on!_

* * *

Leon swiveled his head in the direction of his voice. He walked shakily towards us and that's when I noticed he was holding onto a pole-no, wait. It was completely white with red three fourths of the way down. That's when I realized why he's wearing his glasses-he was blind.

"Who?" he asked once he found his way over. Arthur grabbed Leon's free arm and raised it. "In front of you is Emil. He's deaf and a year younger than you."

"Oh." He fumbled around the air awkwardly until he found my hand. Once found, he traced the word 'Hello' through my fingertips.

"I can speak," I sign back. I could feel my brother and the other staring at us.

"Well look at that! They're getting along already!" The Brit motioned Lukas to follow him somewhere, but before doing so said, "Leon, maybe you should take him to your room. You two can get better acquainted with each other there."

"For real?" He turned to his side to face Arthur, who now had slight perspiration running down his freshly shaven chin.

"Yes, I need to talk with Emil's brother. Now go!"

With that, they walked away from us hurriedly. The boy in front of me turned his head to his left. "Is there a large column over there?"

I met his gaze to my right and indeed saw a humongous marble column with a crowd of socialites surrounding it and gossiping. "Yeah, why?"

"Good." Leon still had a grip on my hand and I felt him tug it. "Come with me." We took a few steps forward together, groups of guests moving out of our way as he swung his cane side to side. I couldn't help but feel self conscious. Almost everyone in the room had their eyes on us-us being two teenage boys holding hands in a too clear path.

When we finally reached the column (which felt like it took ten years to get to due to my comfort level being below zero) he tapped it a few times before turning left. We passed a wooden staircase and turned another left until we reached an equally wooden door. Leon almost stepped right into it and I had to suppress a laugh from escaping my mouth. He opened the door and dragged me in, closing it behind me.

It was almost completely empty. The walls were a pale blue and bare (he didn't have any windows either). There was a dresser next to the door and a bed lined up against the wall. At the end of it was a bookcase filled with books.

"You read? Aren't you blind?" I stupidly asked, now using my voice to talk to him.

Leon grabbed a red hardcover from the top shelf and turned to face me. "Braille," he smiled and opened it to a random page.

"Oh." I was glad he couldn't see my face turn scarlet. "I can read braille too."

He tossed the book to what he probably thought was the bed but missed it by a few inches, making it land on the floor before it. "Really? But aren't you deaf?" A smirk crossed his lips.

"Yeah," I started to protest. "But my brother didn't think I would be able to comprehend speech-"

"It was a joke, calm down." He plopped himself down on the floor and patted the spot next to him. I sat beside him and crossed my legs.

"Tell me about yourself," Leon said.

* * *

So I told him about how I became deaf when I was a toddler, and how I lived with my brother and his boyfriend, and how I go to public school, and how I don't have a lot of friends because I can't hear well. When I asked him the same he lied back and crossed his arms under his head.

"Well, I used to live with my mom in China. She had a bad temper and didn't like children too much. When I was five years old I accidentally knocked over a vase in the living room, and she got so mad that she filled the sink with cleaning chemicals and dunked my forehead into it. That's how I became blind."

He sat back up and removed his glasses. His eyes were closed and the area around them looked disgusting. Burn scars covered his eyelids and the sides of his face. I almost gagged. "Do you show that to everyone?" I mustered to ask.

"Most, yeah. Anyways, I was put into an orphanage after that and I was adopted when I was seven by Arthur."

We stayed quiet or a while and listened to the people outside of the room. As the chatter started to gradually lessen, someone knocked at the door. Leon awkwardly got to his feet and turned the knob, opening it to reveal Arthur and Lukas.

"Did you two have fun?" the Brit asked. My brother glanced at me with icy eyes.

"Yeah, sure," the Asian replied. I stood up and grabbed his hand. 'I guess I have to leave now,' I signed.

'You seem cool,' he answered in return.

Lukas put a hand on my shoulder. "We have to get back to the hotel-it's getting late."

'Bye.' Leon traced through my fingers, and I said the same back.


End file.
